I often displeases God by doing some habitual sins. I admit that I am no saint at all and I’m proving myself not to be hypocrite because I know I have a lot shortcomings. I ask your intercession for this because I believe with the chain of prayers of every faithful. I could not promise to stop doing habitual sins immediately because it may lead me another sin again if I say I will not do it again where in the reality I’m still doing it. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. I am admitting the real me, a sinner whom trying his best to be holy in everything I do. That’s why I could promise to do my best not to do or to lessen these habitual sins specially now I had read an article about purgatory which moves me a lot. My theory about after life is proven. Beside of everything of these, I could admit that life after death is existing and still another life. And they are three places; Paradise, Purgatory and Hell. I am referring to website of America Needs Fatima.
Last January 2015 after the Pope visited my country, Philippines, to see Tacloban where there were a lot of victims who died because of typhoon Yolanda: it was a tragic event in my country. But it was not finished there. Another tragic event happened which kill 44 Special Action Force (SAF) to hunt down one of famous terrorist whom cited at the southern Philippines. I still remembered the night before I go to sleep. I have prayed the Holy Rosary for the soul of SAF 44 and at my surprise, it seemed that my prayer was heard when I had dreamed about them. I saw Jesus and Mary with clothed of light welcoming the souls to enter the gate of heaven. I recognized Jesus and Mary because there image were similar to the Twin Sacred Heart. What I could see was a light more brighter than the sun but you could watched the light without having torched of it. I was about to join the souls who were entering the light but my father wake me up because they heard me shouting and praying the Rosary while sleeping.
After 2 years of this dream, I had another dream where I could say it was a worse dream I ever experience. It could be compared to nightmare during that time. I could not tell what was this place, hell or purgatory. It seemed they were all the same appearance, burning fire like boiling water that produced smoke. What I am sure was the thing in form of human or I could say it was souls were suffering with immerse fire. I don’t know where is it until I read the blog of America Needs Fatima.
I am sure today that these dream are connected to each other. It’s encouraging me to pray more and to do penance to save more souls. It made me affirm that prayers with concrete heart or with sincere appeal are so powerful to save one single soul. Join me to pray for the poor souls.
Christ in his ransom had procured endless mercy. One need only wish to be saved, need only surrender his soul to God in a last gasp of contrition, and he will be saved. He may have to suffer at length in Purgatory, but, once there, his place is reserved in Heaven and he will in time arrive there. Purgatory is like our modern colleges: no one can flunk out of them. It follows, then, that the only way to get into hell is to insist upon it. One must deliberately exclude himself from grace by hardening his heart against it. Hell is what the damned have actively and insistently wish for.
This Easter Sunday became a different one from the past celebrations because it was said that Jesus went to heaven and saved poor souls but last night I got a vision and there were many poor soul went to the fire of hell. This vision seemed a continuation of 2015th dream I had about 44 SAF. It was a contrary for the first vision I had which makes me very sad. From the first vision, the gate of heaven was opened widely for the poor soul whom battle for hope but for the next one I saw a fire of hell that the soul was burned without having consumed by the fire of hell. In my vision a lot of poor soul was torn away into the fire of hell. They were shouting for help but for me it was too late nobody can help them even Jesus because they were condemned already. I was sad about it.
I told you these to ask your help to pray for the poor soul whom have a chance to be save from the fire of hell. I couldn’t do it alone. Yes, I always say that I offered my daily lives for the sake of poor soul but I can’t do it alone. I need a help from other faithful. We may save a lot of them from the fire of hell. We, perhaps could make a difference from this day of Easter Sunday. We could save a lot of poor soul.
I don’t remember when the last time I posted a reflection here in my blog. My recent days was very tough that I let things happen as they should be happened. Well, should it be like this that the right thing we do, let everything happen as should it be under God’s providence? Letting God work on our lives and trusting to his divine will.
God is always calling me into a religious life, I mean being a friar or a priest and I always rejecting his call because I just can’t. I hope God understand me. I know that I can be a holy man even I didn’t joined a religious life or being a friar for religious community. Perhaps it is enough to pray and to offer my daily deeds for the sake of salvation of poor soul and to avoid war all over the world specially in Asian country. There is a potential war in Asian country that will trigger a world war III because of dispute island which is said very rich on natural resources. I hope to avoid it. What I can do for now is to pray and pray until the prayer is heard. It could be difficult for me because I am experiencing spiritual dryness. It seems my prayer was not heard by God. I know the devil sometimes confuse the mind of the people of God even the enlighten one just to win over God. And the best thing to fight the temptation of the devil is sacrifice and prayers.
The day passed but I have not written any article about Ash Wednesday. For so many article that circling on the internet about 
Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” Luke 5:31-32
In the matter of fact Jesus addressed this to his disciples to become fishers of men, meaning be a disciple of Jesus and go preach to the nation but it doesn’t mean we should be a priest or bishops or something like having offices in the church. It is enough to be who we are. This call of Jesus to his disciple is valid to all to be a disciple of Christ. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.” 1 Peter 1:15-16 We could be holy as Jesus Christ call us to be holy. Because it is said that “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect”. As we are created in the image of God therefore we should be perfect as God is perfect.
As I reflect to my daily deeds, I come up into confessing my sins here. I have a lot of short comings in terms of being a human who believe in the grace and mercy of good God. I always take for granted that God is always with me even in difficult times or even every time I do something like craziness or stupid things. I always take for granted that He will forgive me in spite of my short comings. Perhaps I have offended God so much that I feel guilty now as I realized it. Even I never intended to offend Him, it seems I committed a grave sin when I always think that he will forgive me though it is true that God will forgive me because of who He is. Because He is God who forgive his people over again and again.
That’s why it is right to give Him what is due for Him. I try my best to praise Him in every moment of my life. Every day, whatever I do is a form of praise and adoration to good God even my ups and down is offered to Him. In this way I prove to God how much I love Him and how much I feel sorry whenever I commit a single sin. I believe that God has its own way to purify us from our sins so that we may come into the life He promise. And I am not surprise if I experience what we called Karma. Karma could be a way of God to purify us from our sins. I could say that through karma God expresses His divine love for us to be save from fire of hell. 
Perhaps the event that we encounter in the past is unimaginable because we are blind of hatred or the situation we consider as difficult to comprehend that God is with us all the time. Sometimes it may be difficult to understand the divine will of God. Sometimes we could understand it only after we realized that God blesses us through the events we had had. Sometimes it is too difficult to understand the mysteries of good God. His divine will could only reveal to us if we have patient and humility in our hearts.
It was year 2010 when I left the seminary for failing to complete the requirements required. I studied AB Classical Philosophy but I never accomplished it. I was in the second year level when the rector of the seminary talked to me and said that I should leave the seminary. I felt very sorry for leaving the seminary. But it was not my fault because I did my best and my best was not enough, sad to admit it. One thing very usual to me every time I leave the seminary for home visit though for that moment were different, I prayed for whatever will happen to me outside the seminary. I surrendered my force to the will of God that’s why I never looked down in that moment though I was sad, very sad for leaving the seminary. Everything for me was God’s will. In that moment it was difficult to understand the plan of God for me but after several years I realized that it was part of God’s plan for me. If that moment never happened I was not able to travel to Rome and see Pope Benedict XVI. It could be just a dream. I was happy to see the pastor of the catholic church. I could imagine how blessed I was from millions of people who dream to see the leader of the catholic church.
Somehow it was difficult to tell to my benefactors that I failed and I could not be a priest. But I resisted on it. I told to myself that it was only a beginning for my dream. So I told to my benefactor in Italy that I would come back in the seminary. I just let two years pass and studied outside the seminary then returned. But sad to admit that my benefactor back out to support me and proposed something more interesting. He invited me to come in Italy and be a member of the congregation he was trying to form. If I would like the congregation I could stay to be a member. So I accept the proposal. It was not bad to try another religious congregation. I waited for one year to process my document meanwhile I worked in the factory with the help of our neighbor who work as human resources in the factory. After the necessary documentation was accomplished I left my family and country with hope I could be priest someday. But one thing that caught my attention was everything turns in to nightmare. I had a bad communication with my superior. We don’t understand each other not because I don’t speak Italian but we don’t really understand each other, literally. I do nothing inside the convent except serving to the Holy Eucharist. I asked if I can work to support my family in the Philippines but he disagreed with me. And it resulted leaving the congregation. I traveled to Rome to search for job. I don’t have enough money to stay in Rome. One week later I never found any job in Rome until my friends asked me to come to Pescina, Aquila. My friends, whom members of religious community called,Sister of the Holy Spirit, helped me to find a job until they recommended me to come to Bari and worked as care giver. I accepted it as it was my starting point. Seven months I worked as care giver until I found another job in Bari. I worked in one factory of fish. It was called Porto Santo Spirito Srl. As I worked to the factory I discovered one thing in my life, I was torture by fear and anxiety that cause me depress. One year later I left the company and everything started there. I had traumatic depression. I had prayed to God and asked why this such thing happened to me. If it was a way of God to make me back to him well he won to convince me. I should be patient and courageous in whatever I do. So I came back to the congregation but it won’t work because everything in me has change. And then I decided to return to my country. But everything never stop there. I decided to consult a doctor. After some medication I was totally heal but I was not easy for me. I had lost lot of things in my life, my work and most of all my pride as who I am. I lost my dignity, courage and hope in God, the confidence that I had with God. 
One thing I did that all return to me was my continuous prayer. Even I lost my confidence I continued to pray and to attend the Holy Eucharist. And little by little I understood that everything was works of His divine mercy. I could die in the that moment. I was totally depress. It was very dangerous. I could commit suicide in that moment before I returned to my country. But thanked I stood still and hold to the mercy of God for me. I understood that the works of the Holy Spirit was unpredictable and it was with me. He directed me to understand that I was loved. And there’s nothing to worry about. Just let the Holy Spirit works in his totality and everything will be alright. I have learned to trust to God profoundly. That’s why I never afraid anymore. And it lead me to try to travel again. I came back to the Italy to find a job that will suit to my necessary needs. But everything never stop there. I had a traumatic depression that ends me to caught by police men here in Italy. But I never give up. I try to continue my daily affairs inside the REMS (Residenze Esecuzione Misure di Sicurezza). I always prayed for everything that’s happening to me. I knew it was not easy to pray while you are tortured by uncertain circumstances like this one. After all, it was all about me and God, my independence with him and my relationship with him as his beloved faithful. It was a way for me to change but not to be separate with God’s love. I knew that it was a way of God to purify me from my sins. And I was happy that I understood this thing and I continued to hope and to trust to his divine love. I could say, sometimes everything that happens to us is a way of God to purify us from our intentions in life. That’s why He let bad things or evil happen to us. I told you there’s something good in evil things.
God committed a righteous sin by creating humans and thanks to this sin, we were experiencing His divine love. Out of His love God committed a righteous mistakes by creating human.
From creating human there came a revolution in heaven; do you think that not only human did revolution on how their President run its government. No. In fact the first revolution was held in heaven. Because first of all, God created angles to praise and love Him but He was not contented to it because angels where deprived from free will after the battle in heaven that’s why he created human. Angels contradicted God by creating human. There were battle of great angels between Lucifer and Archangels. And until now some angel or angels the same with Lucifer was always trying to oppose God. For that reason, the world is contaminated by evil. In fact, through temptation of rebellious angel, our first parent has changed the whole story of human existence by disobeying God. And the story of sinners became known to all over the world.
One thing I wanted to share to you that you may be inspired by me was I was born with defect but in spite of all, I looked life as normal as people do. My left hand was born deform. I almost believed that I was a disable man. Having deform hand, sometimes I felt ineffective. Sometimes I envied people around me because they could do whatever they wanted to do. Some instances I felt discriminated by people around me. The first time I was discriminated was when I was 19 years old. I tried to apply in one factory and I never hired because they afraid in my hand to be severely injure by machinery of the factory. From the time I experienced it, I considered my life as no future in working industry. Unlike some country, people with disability received pension but in Philippines as one of the poor country exist in the world, you could not have nothing except for very poor family, they received a little supplementary credit. I insisted and I told to myself I would not be a burden for the society. I tried to finish my studies because I believed having diploma I could hired in one good company but I was wrong. Having diploma don’t change anything in my life. I was disparate.
When things became unpredictable, I started to reflect and to search the purpose of my life which I came up entering inside the seminary. After three years in the seminary I was ousted because I didn’t complete the necessary requirements. I failed my English Class, this was the reason I was busted. Such a failure for me. So when I reached 24 years old after I left seminary, I talked to a family friend who work as HR. I applied to their company and I was hired. I had a job for one year. I never hired in the company to work without connection or referral from HR department that’s why I envied people who can work without being discriminated. They thought that I was invalid to work but for me I was the same with them. And this was one of the reason why I returned here in Italy after I failed to purse my dream to be priest. I could worked without questioning my left hand. I wanted to work because I believed that in working we could find the true meaning of life. Somehow I thought that God let happened this thing to me to be one of inspirational people for all. So I never thought like disable man. I considered all happenings in my life as obstacles that I should conquered or over do and I also considered it as an extraordinary gift from his divine love. I accept this thing as an extra-ordinary gift from God.
Have you ever slept and dreamed about heaven or have you ever bothered by your nightmare continuously? In the bible, some of the servant of God was instructed what should they do through their dreams. And one of them was St. Joseph, the husband of Mary, mother of Jesus. Well, if you asked me, I tell you my story. It was a secrete that I never told to my parents though they always woke me up dreaming the same story.
After watching TV, I entered to my room and locked the door. What I did inside my room was to surrender to God and pray for the victims of both Yolanda and SAF 44. I prayed the rosary, then after praying the rosary, I slept immediately. I never imagined that I will had a dream about the victims of Yolanda and SAF 44. I dreamed about them. I dreamed that they entered in heaven. They were saved by Jesus Christ and Mary welcomed them. In my dream, I was shouting while I was praying the rosary. Yes, in my dream I was praying continuously. First time I experienced this was when I was inside the seminary. I always dreamed that I was praying the rosary. Then after I said the rosary in my dream I saw a light and then I was sure that I saw both Jesus and Mary, His mother. They were welcoming the victims of Yolanda and SAF 44. I realized that they were saved because I have prayed for their salvation. I have offered my very precious gift to God which is myself. I have offered my life as a form of prayer for the salvation of poor souls. It was similar to continuously praying for the poor souls like me. While I was shouting, I said that ‘the door of heaven is open. Three times I said it then my father woke me up. My father didn’t ask me about my dream because I knew that they heard me shouting and praying. I kept it and remembered it as a secret until today I wrote it for you.
The enthusiasm I had when I was inside the seminary was vanish but one thing more important for me now was the vocation to be holy man. And it never vanished easily. It was imprinted in my heart. And it made me stay in the grace which I received from God. The world may asked me to respond to the sinful situation or to the occasion of sin which lead me sinning but my intention to be holy man will never disappeared. It was stronger than anything. Everything may agitated, my faith and hope to God but my vocation to be holy man will never destroy easily. It was rooted in my heart. A little faith was enough to be one of the saint. Faith without love could be destroy easily by certain obstacles and struggles so in my faith I shared some love and I believed love was enough to change man in to a better person.
As to be holy man, my faith and hope in God could be tested through sticky situation or could be tested by uncertain circumstance in this world. But with simple and little light through the help of examples of saints, a tested faith and hope could be nourish and could be more potential. A tested faith ,it could be way of purification of once life into holiness. The faith I had been not mine alone. That’s why it was not easily destroy. It is received by the church from the pioneer. And it is developed by the pioneer so it was stronger than anything in this world. Faith was passed through generation to generation and it was believed from generation to generation. And what makes faith stronger, it was reveal by God to his people. That’s why I could say faith was not from my will. It was from God alone. God had faith with his people first and He had the first believer to his people. It was He who created the world, had the faith into his most beautiful creation, the human being. God knew how weak his people that they could be lead to sin but He never stopped believing to his people. What makes God happy, his people always creep back to his love. Never a man stopped to seek the truth. It was a relation of God to his people. As God believed to his people, the faith of the people was nourish and steadfast.
I could tell you that my faith was trouble by so many things which stopping me to believe into the truth that was reveal by God to me. This is the temptation I always encounter but in the end I could only hold to these truth that God so love the human being which lead him to believe in his creation. That somehow his lost friendship to the man because of sin, may restore and never forsaken any more through his beloved Son, Jesus Christ. It is because Christ accepted his fate for the sake of human kind. Even Christ undergoes to the test of evil but He conquer it by love and obedience to his Father. By his example I am imitating him who endured the evil that existing in this world. We are here to endure not to stay for so long or live as immortal. No one can stay in this world forever. St. Francis De Sales said, we people the world to people heaven.
For Mother Teresa of Calcutta it is equal, a Christian should be a good Christian, a Muslim should be a good Muslim, and a Hindu should be a good Hindu. For Don Bosco, you can be saint in everything you do as long as you put your heart and from there it is your point to encounter Jesus. St. Therese of the Child Jesus and of the holy Face said that doing ordinary things with extra ordinary love. St. Francis De Sales said, we people the world to people heaven. For me, offering one’s life to God as a form of prayer for the salvation of poor souls. It is my vocation. I believe that I could be saint by living my simple way of life and offering my life as a form of prayer for the sake of poor souls. I don’t need to be priest to be saint. 
In my little way, everything is enough to understand that all of us can be a instrument of God’s love for each other. In our simple way we can be an instrument to share love. And this love is Jesus. Something that illuminate me, what you have, you can share it but what you don’t have, you can’t share it. Therefore if you have Jesus in your heart it could be a point to share Jesus to others. The love of Jesus is over flowing and if you share it, Jesus is happy.
What does it mean to be a good Christians? What does it mean to be a good Muslims? What does it mean to be a good Hindu? For me it is being responsible for everything we do and letting God works in our simple way of life and sharing love. Through this, we can be called Children of God.
Why I am writing to you in this way, seems I am someone expert in this life. Well I am not expert. I am no body but wishing to be somebody who could influence you into a better person. I never intent to be responsible for your life or I never intent to be someone who let things be miserable for you. But something I want to tell you is I am professing my faith and I am witnessing to it. In this way I could be someone who inspire people and influence them to be a better person. I always says it’s my story and it never ends here. It’s my way to be remembered. I don’t intent to die young but for some reason I write these things for reference for my autobiography. Because we never know, if someday I’ll be proclaim as saint of modern times. We don’t know. Everyone of us never wants to be forgotten as time pass. That’s why I am writing to you for this intention. I know that someday people will study my life to know if I am living as true Christian. I profess to be saint someday.
Every saint had their own story and history how they met God in their lives. And for me, it is written here. When I met Jesus in my life he really inspired me to do his will and by doing what he pleases. I surrendered to his love and mercy. Seeking his will was not difficult because you don’t use your own will but by seeking what you have in your heart. Because I believe that in every heart of human, God marked his love. This thing lead me to profess my faith in Jesus. But doing the will of God was not easy only if we have pride in our heart. Because pride destroyed everything and it seen in our will and life. Pride made things complicated specially when we tried to witness the true faith that was entrusted to the church and to every member of the church. Only pride made difficult and complicated thing in this world. We may encountered some difficulties because we had pride in our heart but by the help of mercy of God we could found everyone as one and united in one purpose. And this was the fate of humanity become one and united in one faith. Even we are different from each other, having different interpretation or having different religion, there was one and common to us as children of one Father, God, the Creator. We were one and connected to each other. I believed in finding commonality with one another which makes us one. We become one though there is difference to each one of us. In time such these, we lived in difference but if we looked and reflected we were responsible to the unity of the church. Because we were created by one God whom always faithful to us. So don’t ignore one another though we are different to each other.
When a soul finds that there’s nothing to be worry about under the love of Jesus, it is Jesus happiness too. I share to his happiness also. In this world it is not only suffering of Jesus count but his happiness knowing that soul is happy having him in his heart. I can say when a man, who is a sinner, meets Jesus Christ, he is marked forever with a memorial of his heart.
I wanted to tell you the story when I met Jesus in my life. I was 19 years old then when I realized everything in my life goes wrong. There was no purpose. I lived for nothing. I realized that my life was empty. One day, our parish priest in his homily, invited us to attend the so called crusade. It was a journey of volunteer people to meet Jesus in prayer or in other sense, it was about studying Jesus. I was there and I responded to the invitation knowing nothing about it. I asked myself, What will be happen if I join them? And one thing made me convinced to attend the so called crusade was my brother. My parent told to my brother to attend the crusade. They invited him but not me. In this reason I volunteer to attend. I told them that I wanted to attend the crusade. The duration of crusade was three nights and three days. We were lock inside the convent. What we did was to pray and find ourselves in prayer. Inside there I found myself in darkness that I could tell you that there was no reason for me to live without purpose. So I begun to asked myself what should I do in my life. Suddenly, my life changed there by asking my life’s purpose. We were arranged to make confession but, before that we were encourage to know why we should go to confession. And I discovered my life was empty without Jesus in my life. Little by little my life changed and I became religious being. During that time I realized that Jesus was always with me. He directed me to go back to him. The crusade was the occasion for me to meet Jesus. I learned to pray and I learned Jesus. It was also the reason why I entered the seminary. Today I am happy that I know him.
In my ordinary life as I walk the way to holiness, my faith was shaken by so many obstacles that I almost abandoned my faith in God. I knew that all saint has their own history on how they dealt with their own obstacles and struggles. What made my story the same to them was I believed in common faith. And what made our story differ was how we look on daily situation and how we dealt with it. I told you that even I, I never been excepted from obstacles and struggles. Thanks to the prayers of my beloved family and thanks for their encouragement to pray that I hold the faith until now. I have received the faith from other and it was right to hand it to others also. I believed in the connection of one another. Everything was connected to each other. And if this connection have vanished life become imbalance. That’s why I was trying to share the faith I have learned from the church. In order to acknowledge one’s faith it must be practice. To profess the faith, one must believe and one must witness through daily works. In order to say that one was a faithful, one must profess it.
I am witnessing to the faith by living on it and trying to hand it over to my family and other people. The beauty of believing is mirror in one’s way of life. I am telling you that having faith in God, life change in different ways. It could make our life wonderful in the middle of uncertain circumstance. Having something you believe on earthly life change everything. The way you look life and deal with it, makes sense. It is important that you believe for something. And what makes everything wonderful is you are not alone. Our love for Jesus and for our neighbor impels us to speak to others about our faith. Each believer has link in the great chain of believers. I cannot believe without being carried by faith of others, and by my faith I help to support others in the faith. One cannot be a believer if he don’t understand what he believe but sometimes it is easy to believe first in order to understand the faith. In words of St. Augustine, “I believe, in order to understand; and I understand, the better to believe.”
