The enthusiasm I had when I was inside the seminary was vanished but one thing more important to me now was the vocation to be a holy man. And it never vanished easily. It was imprinted in my heart. And it made me stay in the grace which I received from God. The world may ask me to respond to the sinful situation or to the occasion of sin which lead me sinning but my intention to be a holy man will never be disappeared. It was stronger than anything. Everything may agitated, my faith and hope to God but my vocation to be a holy man will never destroy so easily. It was rooted in my heart. A little faith was enough to be one of the saints. Faith without love could be destroyed easily by certain obstacles and struggles so in my faith I shared some love and I believed love was enough to change a man into a better person.
As to be a holy man, my faith and hope in God could be tested through a sticky situation or could be tested by uncertain circumstance in this world. But with simple and little light through the help of examples of saints, a tested faith and hope could be nourished and could be more potential. A tested faith, it could be a way of purification of once life into holiness. The faith I had been not mine alone. That’s why it was not easily destroyed. It is received by the church from the pioneer. And it is developed by the pioneer so it was stronger than anything in this world. Faith was passed from generation to generation and it was believed from generation to generation. And what makes faith stronger, it was revealed by God to his people. That’s why I could say faith was not from my will. It was from God alone. God had faith in his people first and He had the first believer to his people. It was He who created the world, had the faith in his most beautiful creation, the human being. God knew how weak his people that they could be lead to sin but He never stopped believing in his people. What makes God happy, his people always creep back to his love. Never a man stopped to seek the truth. It was a relation of God to his people. As God believed to his people, the faith of the people was nourish and steadfast.
I could tell you that my faith was troubled by so many things which stopping me to believe into the truth that was revealed by God to me. This is the temptation I always encounter but in the end, I could only hold to these truths that God so love the human being which lead him to believe in his creation. That somehow his lost friendship to the man because of sin, may restore and never forsaken anymore through his beloved Son, Jesus Christ. It is because Christ accepted his fate for the sake of humankind. Even Christ undergoes to the test of evil but He conquers it by love and obedience to his Father. By his example, I am imitating him who endured the evil that exists in this world. We are here to endure not to stay for so long or live as immortal. No one can stay in this world forever. St. Francis De Sales said, we people the world to people heaven.